Day 28 - The Practice of Forgiveness

I think part of what's difficult about forgiveness is that we tend to do to it what we do to love: we associate it with an emotion. But this couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not insisting that there isn't an emotional component. What I am insisting is that first and foremost, as Warren points out and as the scriptures insist, it's a choice. In fact, it's really clear that Jesus and Paul and the other authors aren't "suggesting" that we do it. They are insisting on it.

Forgiveness is key to life. It's key to healing. It's the key for the transformation of human relationships.

Forgiveness is a choice because it is grounded in the sort of love that is always a choice: the unconditional sort. This stuff is hard for us. Almost everything in our relationships with each other is conditional. Which is where we get screwed up. We get wrapped up in our conditional versions of love (I'll love you if you look like this, act like this, don't hurt me this way, etc.) and the dramas that come with them. When we get wronged (and we always do) we then have to work out systems of retribution. I know people insist all the time "I'll let God judge!" but it is done with a set jaw and a hard look and the sort of insistance that indicates that the person isn't going to let go of the hurt any time soon.

Because we don't want to let the one who caused the offense off the hook. So we "punish" them with our resentment in an effort to exact our retribution. Except this never works. It just slowly eats us up, continues the harm in the relationship, and sees to it that the hurt of the incident thrives on and on and on.

It doesn't work. Unforgiveness only works if the object is to visit harm on another. It is the antithesis of God's peace, of reconcilition, and of healing.

Just to make it clear, it's then the antithesis of LOVE...the action we're called to scripturally.

Make no mistake, LOVING is a mandate. Forgiveness is a mandate because it flows from love. If you are making the choice to love others, even those who've harmed you, then forgiveness is the "DUH" that the relationship calls for. It's just part of the dynamic.

So to the question: "How do I forgive when I hurt over the situation so bad?" I'm so glad you asked. It's just like practicing the habits that build relationships: ATTENTION, AFFECTION, AFFIRMATION. It's a practice, and while practicing it, your emotional self will begin to align itself with your decisions and your actions.

So you choose to act forgiving. You make contact and connect with the offender and COMMUNICATE your forgiveness even when you don't want to. You SPEAK WELL of the other in the presence of others, ESPECIALLY in the offender's absence. You PRAY for them and for their well being. You affirm them authentically any chance you get. And you simply LET GO the offense. You PRACTICE forgiveness. And it will come.

Eventually you will find that you no longer feed the wolf of unforgiveness. It's no longer in you. It's incredibly hard to harbor hatred, resentment, and pain towards someone you pray for and for whom you actively seek the well being of before the throne of God. It simply transforms you from the inside out.

I'm convicted as I write this that I too have some praying to do...an unforgiveness hit list I need to be attending too.

I wonder, are you convicted too? Forgiveness isn't an option. It's a kingdom expectation. Where it's present, you will find the kingdom of God. Where it's absent, you won't. Because you can't experience the kingdom while in the throws of vengeance and resentment. They are fundamentally incompatible.

May you find God's kingdom in your lives today. Even more than this, may you choose to be presen to it in your choice to forgive...

Pastor Nathan