Lenten Reflection - Day 12: by Susan Ricardo

READING: Psalm 22: 23-31

Psalm 22: 23-31 is a quiet reminder of my Truth about my experiences of faith -- about what I believe to be true about this world...what was true before I came here and what will be true long after I leave this world. Psalm 22: 23-31 is a reminder of homebase for me.

Many years ago I found myself floundering. I had lost an immediate member of my family to suicide, my personal relationships were suffering as a direct result of my being active in my addiction and my unwillingness to look at or work on the broken pieces of myself. I was angry with God, disappointed in organized religion and felt despairing and unable to cope. One of the kind and generous people that God has sent to me as a teacher kept encouraging me to examine my relationship with God. She pushed me for answers about my spiritual program -- which was almost non-existent at the time. When I reported this back to her...she asked me to look around my world and come back to her and report what evidence I could find of a power "greater than myself." I did not like the idea of this exercise but I liked the serenity this woman had and I wanted what she had more than anything. I was also growing tired of my own depression and the sad voices in my head.

I stumbled into my back yard late one night and noticed a large sycamore tree that I had only in the past cursed for producing enormous leaves that had to be raked. Observing the tree I noticed that it grows toward the sunlight...toward God. Blades of grass do this, too. (So do humans...grow towards sunlight (God, health, wellness). This fact was true whether I was here on earth or not. Trees will grow, people will grow, blades of grass will grow with or without Susan. The sun will continue to rise daily and there is an undercurrent of energy that sustains all living creatures and beckons us in His direction. I could fight it, I could ignore it, I could rebel against it, I could curse it -- but it would still be there and it would always be there and it would always be available to me. Just like God. God is timeless Truth...as is this passage.

In the many years that have passed between this awakening and now, I have not forgotten about the lesson of the sycamore tree. I still live in the same house with the same tree. And sometimes, when no one is looking, I give that tree a big hug and whisper into the trunk that I do believe....I believe in exactly the undercurrent of energy that grows the tree, that grows the Susan, that never gives up in the face of weather, chance, circumstance, depression or surrender. I believe.